Most would-be groomsmen have probably been planning “the bachelor party to end all bachelor parties” for years. Chances are, however, that you haven’t been putting the same amount of thought into your best man speech. If you’re feeling high and dry when it comes to raising a glass and winning over a crowd, don’t worry. This literally happens to the best of us, and we’re here to help you write the speech, formulate your notes, and even sharpen your delivery.
What Should I Say in My Best Man Speech?
The most important part of any composition is a clear structure (it’s how we put these articles together every week!) The exact shape or flow of a best man speech will vary between presenters, but broadly, here’s the beginning, middle, and end.
Step 1: The Introduction
To start, provide some brief context as to who you are and what your relationship to the couple is. Do this in a snappy way to hook your audience and set the scene. A nod to the previous speaker – acknowledging they’re a hard act to follow, for example – is a good way to get the audience on your side.
Example:
“Hi everyone, I’m Ted, Bill’s best man. Well done on that amazing speech, Bill – but as you’re about to see, I’ve taught him everything he knows when it comes to public speaking.”
Step 2: The Bridge
All Speeches Great and Small describes the next phase as the “bridge”: “[where] you get from the introduction into the main part of the speech.” In anticipation of that funny anecdote or representative story, praise the groom or sum up the time you’ve spent together.
Example:
“I’ve known Bill for years – we met in high school and ended up at the same college, taking different majors and classes but always finding time to catch up. Bill always had good advice, and so when he said I should be the one to plan his bachelor party, I knew he was right.”
Step 3: The Story
While most incorrigible bachelors will have an embarrassing story to share about their wingman, now is not the time to make his red-faced parents and partner relive it. Instead, choose a funny or feel-good story, and make sure it shows the groom at his best. Save the antics for when you’re scouring our “Ultimate Guide to Bachelor Party Ideas and Destinations.”
Example:
“A few years ago, Bill and I took a road trip – our very own ‘Excellent Adventure,’ if you will – and it was on that trip that I really learned how capable and determined he was. How else could he have gotten us through the entire trip when I had the map upside-down for half of it?”
Step 4: The Partner
If the groom’s new spouse was sidelined for the length of that story, then it’s now time to reintroduce them into the fold. Mention how happy he or she makes the groom, or highlight a moment where you knew they were meant for each other. Hand-squeezing and giddy smiles will ensue, trust us!
Example:
“What I remember most about that trip, however, was how much he spoke about [Partner’s Name] and about wanting to get home to see them. We had a great time in those school and college days, but I’ve never seen him as happy as he is now.”
Step 5: The Toast
Finally, deliver a rousing call for guests to toast the happy couple. According to Hitched.co.uk, some speeches are sidetracked by multiple toasts – to the bridesmaids, other groomsmen, to the groom himself. Focus on the newlyweds, however, to prevent a game of “stand-up-sit-down-again”!
Example:
“So I’d like everyone to join me in raising a glass – even if Bill got lost with me on one road trip, I’m glad you were able to find each other. To the newlyweds, and to a lifetime of adventures!”
How Do I Write a Best Man Speech?
Great best man speeches aren’t ad-libbed, generally; they need to be written out beforehand to prevent any fumbling over words. If composing a speech fills you with as much dread as public speaking, however, then here are some pointers.
Plan Out Beforehand
Using the structure we outlined above, sketch out the topics you want to cover and in what order. Plot it out on a whiteboard, log keywords on your phone, draw a mind map on the sidewalk in chalk – whatever! The speech will be much easier to write when you can break it down to a “toast skeleton,” as Brides.com notes.
Avoid Potential Overlap
Remember how we said there’s no need to thank or toast everyone? Well, another reason for this is to prevent overlap – nothing loses an audience faster than asking them to traverse well-trodden ground. For example, the exact details of how the couple met can be skipped, as the groom will probably have discussed this at length.
Be True to Yourself
While it might be tempting to expound in a resplendent, erudite register, you shouldn’t try to be something you’re not. “[Y]ou don’t need to adopt a character just because you’re giving a speech,” advises Brides.com. Speak in a way that behooves you – sorry, suits you – rather than attempting to be too grand or profound, or to tell jokes when you’re the sincere type.
Get a Second Opinion
Equally, think about your audience as you write your speech, as well as yourself. Keep it appropriate in terms of the language you use and the stories you tell – now isn’t the time to bring up old flames or rowdy college hijinks – but be positive too! After all, people are here to enjoy themselves.
How Do I Deliver a Best Man Speech?
Now that your speech is ready – at least on paper or Word – you just need to deliver it with panache. Follow these tips to go from a public speaking apprentice to a Toastmasters team leader!
Watch Your Body Language
Expert speech givers are conscious of their body language, which should be ‘open’ and welcoming rather than ‘closed’ and tense. Avoid putting your hands in your pockets or folding your arms – these will betray an anxiety or unwillingness to be there – and use hand gestures to appear more at ease. To get better at these things, you just need to…
Rehearse Beforehand
Practicing your speech is the best way to prevent yourself stumbling over phrases like a perpetually prosperous and passionately peaceful partnership. Start by having the whole transcript to hand and reading it out, word for word. Then, with each trial run, rely less on the text, or alternatively, condense your notes further and further.
Keep It Short
Best man speeches should last somewhere between 3 and 5 minutes, according to The Knot. When writing your speech, read it out loud, and factor in additional time for pauses, cheers, and laughs. On the whole, though, a short speech is better – lengthy manifestos risk boring the crowd, hijacking the schedule, and hogging too much attention. The same applies for bridesmaids, when it comes to “How to Write a Maid of Honor Speech That’s Wedding Day Ready.”
Best Man Speech FAQs
How Does a Best Man Speech Start?
A best man’s speech usually opens with a joke, followed by the speaker thanking the couple for having them there. They generally acknowledge the previous speaker as well. A joke – provided it lands – is a way to break the ice, win listeners over, and settle your nerves. The sight of an audience rolling in the aisles is bound to boost your confidence!
How Long Should a Best Man Speech Be?
Between 3 and 5 minutes. If your speech is very short – a minute long, say – then you can look unprepared and uninvested. You’ll also probably forget to thank someone very important. If your speech is very long – say, 10 minutes – then it can wear thin, and you might look as if you’re overly enjoying the limelight. You can also derail the wedding day schedule if you start to eat into the next speaker’s allotted time!
Does the Best Man Have to Give a Speech?
A best man’s speech is a tradition, but it’s not absolutely mandatory. Perhaps the person chosen as the best man has a genuine phobia of public speaking. At some weddings, there may not be a best man.
When Does the Best Man Give Their Speech?
Generally, wedding speeches and toasts take place either at the beginning of the reception or when dinner is wrapping up. It’s also possible to have some speeches at the beginning and others at the end, or to split them up between courses. The best man’s speech is usually last, following the groom, the father of the bride, and the maid of honor.
Don’t be surprised if, given your newfound speech writing skills, you net the role of best man more than once. What are some of the tactics you try when you’re asked to give a speech and can feel nerves getting the better of you? Or, what are some of the best speeches you’ve seen delivered at a wedding, and what made them stand out? Let us know in the comments below, and for more advice, check out “How to Make a Wedding Toast“! Cheers!
Eoin is a Content Specialist at Zazzle in Cork. He’s recently bought a house with his fiancée, and thus most of his time these days is spent trying to keep the walls from caving in and the wolves from the door. Still, he’s always open to book, game, and movie recommendations, so if you have some, let him know: he’ll add them to a very, very long list.
